1. she's the perfect size for a housedog-- small enough to curl up on the bed, big enough to walk in public without feeling utterly humiliated. ;)
2. she's a snuggler. because of her aforementioned perfect size, she is lap-appropriate (all those sticking-out bits can be tucked neatly in, no worries) and she loves nothing better than to mold herself around her humans when they are watching tv. afterall, no television show is complete without a careful application of warm, sleepy puppydog.
3. she loves the beach with a passion. LOVES. not so much the water-- unless there are seagulls to chase, in which case it's on like Donkey Kong-- but the sand, the smells, the aforementioned seagulls, and did I mention the SMELLS? so many smells, so little time to run around in crazy circles, ears pinned back in sheer bliss, snuffling up all the glorious seaside aromas. and if there's something revoltingly pungent to roll in, well. HAPPIEST DOG EVER.
4. she also loves walks. W A L K is a magic word in our house, & it pays to spell it out, or else you are confronted with a dog barely able to remain on all four feet without sproinging into the air like jet exhaust is shooting out her butt. she will look at you with eyes that bore right into you, where they then laser-scribe the message, "IT IS IMPERATIVE YOU TAKE ME OUTSIDE FOR THAT WALK YOU MENTIONED RIGHT NOW OR POSSIBLY EVEN SOONER THAN THAT OMG WHY ARE YOU NOT MOVING COME ON COME ON COME OOOOON" onto your very soul in 72pt neon flashing sparkly text. the only thing better than a walk is: GOING FOR A RIDE IN THE CAR OMG OMG OMG THE C A R. that has to be spelled out, too. OR ELSE THERE MIGHT JUST BE AN EXPLOSION.
5. she can say "hello" and "I love you." NO, SHE REALLY CAN. I tell people this, & they can't control their face-- that slightly-raised brow of Extreme Scepticism coupled with an air of, "woah, craaaaazy lady, I am backing away now, so sad, you looked so NORMAL"-- but it's TRUE & I can PROVE IT. come visit, & you will see for yourself, haHA. I speak the truth, and so does my dog. as long as the truth is " hello, I love you," that is, & hey, if Jim Morrison said it was, THEN WHO AM I TO ARGUE?
6. besides "hello" and "I love you", when Ruby is really excited, she does this kind of resounding yawn that turns into a joyous celebratory whoop-- something like, "YEEEEEEEE-OOOOOWWWWWW!" sort of the canine equivalent of the fistpump an 18 year old college student does right after knocking back his 10th shot of the night & right before he throws them all back up again. GOOD TIMES.
7. Ruby is employed! she has a job! it's a very important one! she is in charge of monitoring the cats At All Times, & it keeps her very busy. sometimes they jump up on the kitchen counter where they are most definitely NOT ALLOWED & when this happens, she must ALERT THE HUMANS IMMEDIATELY by running to us & staring intently whilst looking infinitely devastated, waiting for us to notice. we know we must respond with, "are those bloody cats up on the bloody counter again?" which is her cue to then let her face convey, "yes-- omg yes they bloody well are and WHY DO YOU LET THOSE BASTARDS IN THE HOUSE ANYWAY," coupled with a frantic skittering of paws, legs & ears as she woofs her way back into the kitchen to issue the 2-second warning to the perps: GET DOWN GET DOWN GET DOWN OMG YOU ARE IN BIG TROUBLE NOW YOU DUMB OLD CATS.
(Ruby would like to tell you that this job is 24/7 & although it doesn't pay all that well, the true reward comes every time, "bad cat!" is uttered & she gets to woof self-righteously & jump on their heads.)
8. Ruby loves toys. no, you don't understand: SHE LOVES TOYS. toys! TOOOOOYS! each & every toy that comes into the house (& there are enough of them that she now has her very own toy drawer, which she makes a point of standing beside several times a day, looking intently at it, even though there are already 93784298277 OTHER toys scattered around the floor) is named, & she remembers ALL OF THE NAMES, NO MATTER HOW RIDICULOUS. in fact, the more ridiculous the name, the better. there is Raggy & Shakey & Ring & Clifford & Sausage & Bazool & Mini-Bazool & Razool Bazool & ......I am going to stop now, because really, I AM as normal as I look, I SWEAR. *twitch*
9. she can sit, spin, lie down, crawl, shake hands (which paw would you like? one? both? a high-five, perhaps?), speak, wait, heel, go to bed!, wave, kiss & GET THAT BLOODY CAT BAD PUSS BAD PUSS GET OFF THE BENCH.
10. she's the most awesome dog EVER. ♥ ♥♥
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